The holiday season can be challenging when we are mourning. Even joyful traditions can remind us of loved ones who aren’t with us this year. The holidays, however, don’t have to be a source of dread. There is hope and, yes, even joy to be found if we know where to look.
Here are eight proven tools for surviving and thriving this year as you work through grief during the holidays.
1. You Are the Boss
Nobody knows better than you what you need, what you can handle and what’s too much. You’re going through a lot. Grief is hard work. So, you get to choose what the holidays look like this year. Some people find it helpful to scale back holiday plans or to try something new. Others find comfort in the familiar. Whatever you choose, follow your instincts, maintain your boundaries, and do what’s right for you.
2. Plan Ahead
A little planning can reduce stress and help you avoid pitfalls. As you consider your plans, be on the lookout for places, people or customs that may be challenging, and ask people you trust to help you through those moments. Think about safe places you can retreat to or people who can drive you home if it all becomes too much. Talking with your holiday hosts in advance about concerns can also be a big help.
3. Pace Yourself
Trying to do too much is a sure recipe for becoming overwhelmed, both emotionally and physically. You can only do the best you can with what you have. Scaling back this year just may be the key to finding a little joy in the season. Take bite-sized doses, and savor each moment.
4. Honor the Moment
Grief changes everything. And, while you may be thinking about who you’ve lost, the holidays also offer us a chance to remember and celebrate the amazing people who meant so much to us. Experts suggest holidays invite us to welcome departed loved ones back into our lives in special ways. Set a place for them at the holiday table. Create a photo memorial. Light a candle in their honor. Or hang a special memorial ornament on the tree.
5. Spread the Love
Good deeds can be good medicine for bereaved families and can plant the seeds of new holiday traditions. Volunteer for charitable causes in your loved one’s honor. Donate some of their clothing to people in need. Create holiday care packages for friends and neighbors who may be struggling this year. Invite a “holiday orphan” to join your family’s festivities.
6. Thanks for the Memories
Sharing stories is a time-honored tradition that supports resilience, healing and even transformation in grief. Take turns telling funny stories about your loved one, and consider asking a family member or friend to record those stories in a special journal that can be enjoyed year after year. Passing around photo albums or playing old home movies during family gatherings also can be unexpected sources of joy.
7. Heal Thyself
There may be no better tribute to our departed loved ones than taking good care of ourselves. Let the holidays be a reminder to register for a support group or to plan a visit with a counselor. Schedule a physical. Sign up for an exercise class, or join a hiking group. Stop smoking. Drink less alcohol. Eat healthier foods. Remember to feed the soul as well. Research tells us that observing familiar faith traditions, praying, meditating, and even taking long walks in nature can be deeply restorative. Simply stated, if you feel better, you’ll feel better.
8. Dare to Enjoy Yourself
No doubt, the holidays can intensify all of our emotions, and, in our mourning, this can be daunting. Just remember that we grieve our losses because we loved the people who are gone. So, feel everything you need to feel. It’s normal and healthy. And if a little joy makes its way into your heart this year, be grateful and enjoy it! Joy is a feeling too, and there may be no safer place to experience these deep feelings than in the presence of dear friends and cherished family members.
Spiritual care providers are available 24 hours a day at Cincinnati Children’s through our Spiritual and Grief Care Center.
