If you have a tween or teen who plays video games, there’s a good chance you’ve already heard about a big game release soon. And if you haven’t, your child probably has.
The game has generated enormous attention, which means kids may see it in ads or on social media or hear friends talking about it. As games continue to get more realistic and often more violent and sexual, it is important to talk to kids about your family’s rules for mature video games.
Video games that are rated M for mature by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) are typically recommended for ages 17 and up. If your child is under 17 and is talking about rated M games, don’t wait for them to ask for the newest game. Start the conversation now.
Set expectations before the game becomes an issue
You should feel comfortable setting limits around games you believe aren’t appropriate for your children.
Instead of waiting for your child to ask, “Can I get this new game?” that is mature and responding with a quick “no,” bring it up yourself in advance. You might say, “I know this game is coming out and you may be hearing a lot about it. I want you to know that we’re not going to have this game in our house right now, and I want to explain why.”
Having the conversation early gives kids time to understand your expectations and can reduce some of the disappointment later.
And yes, your child still might be disappointed. That’s OK.
As parents, we sometimes have to make decisions our children don’t like, especially when those decisions involve their well-being. The important thing is to make the limit part of a conversation rather than simply saying no and walking away.
For an older child or teenager, consider investigating the game together. Look at its rating and read about the content. Ask your child what interests them about the game. Then explain which parts concern you and why you don’t think it’s appropriate for them yet.
That approach gives your child a voice without giving up your role as the parent.
Why age and development matter
Mature video games may include:
- Violence
- Sexual content
- Strong language
- Behaviors that aren’t developmentally appropriate for younger children
Young children can have a particularly hard time separating fantasy from reality, especially when games look and feel realistic. Kids also learn through imitation. What they see and hear can show up later in their play and in conversations and interactions with siblings, friends, teachers and parents.
For older kids, repeated exposure to violence is also worth talking about. Parents can help them understand that violence in a game is very different from violence in real life, where the consequences can be serious and traumatic.
The goal isn’t to demonize video games. Many adults enjoy games with mature themes. The issue is whether that content is right for your child’s current developmental stage.
What if your child plays it at a friend’s house?
This is one of the tougher situations parents face.
You can set rules in your own home, but you can’t control everything your child encounters elsewhere. If your child comes home and tells you they’ve played a game you don’t allow, try not to make your first reaction anger or punishment.
Instead, get curious.
Ask questions such as:
- “What did you see in the game?”
- “How did it make you feel?”
- “Was there anything that confused or bothered you?”
- “Do you understand why we made the decision not to have that game at home?”
Then reinforce your boundary. Playing the game somewhere else doesn’t mean you have to change your family’s rules.
What if parents want to play?
Parents are allowed to enjoy mature entertainment, too. But if you’re going to play a mature-rated game, I recommend doing it when younger children aren’t around, such as after bedtime.
You don’t necessarily need to tell a young child about every game, show or movie you enjoy. As children get older, though, don’t be surprised if they figure it out and ask the obvious question: “Why can you play it and I can’t?”
Be ready with an honest answer.
Explain that different content is appropriate at different ages and that adults and children aren’t at the same developmental stage. It’s similar to the way families handle mature movies, television shows and other media.
Help them find something else they enjoy
If the answer to a new game is no, the conversation doesn’t have to end there.
Ask your child why that game interests them. Is it because they like driving or racing? Exploring an open world? Playing with friends? That answer can help you identify another game that provides some of the experience they’re looking for without the mature content.
You could even turn it into something you do together. Explore age-appropriate games as a family or visit an arcade together and see what catches your child’s interest.
And when you’re uncertain about a game, don’t feel like you have to figure it out alone. Resources such as game ratings and Common Sense Media can help parents understand what’s in a game before making a decision. Your child’s pediatrician or behavioral health provider can also be a resource if you’re worried about how certain media may affect your child.
Ultimately, parents don’t need to know everything about every video game. What’s most important is staying involved, asking questions, setting reasonable boundaries and keeping the conversation going.
