Let’s face it. We’re all stressed, and our teenagers are no exception. They have higher expectations to perform better in school, excel in extracurricular activities and community service, and respond to social media. It’s no surprise that teen stress levels often rival those of adults.
So how can parents help their teens manage it? Here are a few techniques we suggest to our patients in the Division of Behavioral Medicine and Clinical Psychology that you might find helpful:
7 Tips for Helping Teens Manage Stress
- Help your teen to determine what’s within their control and what isn’t. Teens today are often involved in multiple activities. While extracurricular involvement is helpful to a teen’s overall functioning, there are times when it can be overwhelming. Caregivers can help teens learn to pace themselves by identifying which activities are likely to be helpful and which could be detrimental. Can your teen take on fewer activities or responsibilities? This can help take some of the pressure off and make room for necessary free time.
- Suggest ways to get the basics back in place. If your teen has been stressed for a long period, they have likely developed some poor lifestyle habits along the way. Help them get back to a consistent bedtime and routine. It helps to maintain the same sleep routine (for the most part) on the weekends as well as on weekdays. Avoid screen time an hour before bed. Eat regular, healthy meals throughout the day. Exercise consistently, but not too close to bedtime. These healthy lifestyle habits can go a long way to help your teen’s body handle stress more effectively.
- Brainstorm stress-relieving distractions. Help your teen figure out how they can incorporate fun, stress-relieving activities into the day, week and month. Do they like playing an instrument? Shooting hoops in the backyard? Painting? Hanging out with particular friends? The message here is that no matter what it is or how briefly they do it, enjoyable activities provide a fantastic distraction for the brain, which can relieve stress.
- Help your teen find time for relaxation, especially during stressful moments. Relaxation looks a little different for everyone. Some teens find it relaxing to sit and pet their dog for a few minutes with no other distractions. Others might like to try closing their eyes, taking deep breaths, and sitting in silence. Prayer might also be helpful. Or a walk alone. It might take a little trial and error to find something that sticks, but encouraging your teen to find something that quiets the mind in the heat of the moment can serve them well now and later in life.
- Set limits for social media. Teens today are growing up in a very different world than their parents did. Peer pressure follows them home on electronic devices. They are messaged, texted and tagged day and night. And they may feel obligated to respond immediately for fear that their friends will be mad at them. Parents can help teens set social media limits and expectations with their friends by establishing “social media free” hour(s). Explain to your teen that if they set that expectation up front with their friends, the friends shouldn’t be surprised when they don’t get a response from them. Many of the teens with whom I work initially shudder at the thought of limiting their electronics time, but most report feeling emotionally “free” when unplugging during the day. Social media should be totally tuned out at bedtime as this can often disrupt sleep.
- Teach your teen to practice “calm self-talk.” Help your teen become aware of their stressful thoughts and to practice rationalizing them. For instance, when they’re running late to an activity and feeling stressed out about it, have them ask themself what will happen if they arrive a few minutes after the start time? Most likely nothing catastrophic. Remind them that they will be ok; they can handle hard things.
- Be a good role model for your teen. Whether they like to admit it or not, teens are still learning from their caregivers, and one of the best ways to teach stress management techniques is by setting a good example. If your teen is with you and you’re feeling stressed, talk about it out loud. Say something like, “Wow, I’m feeling really stressed right now. I’m on a deadline at work and I need to leave to pick your sister up from practice. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and then problem-solve.”
Stress Plays an Important Role
It’s important for both teens and parents to remember that it’s impossible to eliminate stress completely. In fact, it plays an important role in our lives. If your teen is feeling little to no stress, they may be bored and have very little motivation to do anything at all.
Teens feeling too much stress may experience an impairment in performance (e.g., “freezing up” while taking a test) or feel miserable in the process of performing their task because of the high stress. Finding a “happy medium” of stress is the best way to perform well while maintaining a healthy mind and body.
Effects of Being Over-Stressed
When your teen feels too much stress, it can impact their:
- Sleep: trouble falling asleep, sleeping too much or too little
- Diet: eating too much or too little
- Concentration
- Performance: academically or physically
- Emotions: irritability, ability to manage emotions appropriately; anxiety or depression can emerge when stress is poorly managed
- Physical symptoms: headaches, stomachaches and even cardiac problems for those experiencing chronic stress
- Social engagement: isolating oneself, avoiding activities in which they typically participated and enjoyed (isolation and loneliness are risk factors for developing depression)
How to Find Help
Many caregivers report uncertainty about whether what their teen’s experience is “normal” or requires professional support. We recommend that you talk to people you trust such as your child’s doctor or school staff for their observations and support.
Many doctors can refer you to outpatient therapy, and a growing number of pediatric settings have integrated behavioral health providers who are available for more immediate assistance. Fortunately, for most teens experiencing high levels of stress, therapy is very effective.
Additionally, it is important for caregivers to ask their teen directly if they are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm. We know this can be scary and uncomfortable, but your teen needs to know you are a safe place to be honest about these thoughts. Teens should also know that parents will take these thoughts seriously, but not overreact.
If You Are Concerned About Your Child’s Safety
If you are concerned about your child’s safety, there are several steps you can take BEFORE taking your child to an emergency room:
- Call your child’s primary care doctor. They can likely assist in evaluating safety and creating an appropriate safety plan.
- Check in with the school counselor. They can provide check-ins and offer support.
- Call the Psychiatric Intake Response Center (PIRC) at (513) 636-4124. Share your concerns and get recommendations on next steps. In many cases PIRC staff can provide advice to keep your teen safe at home until you can connect to an outpatient mental health provider.
- If a more urgent need is present, our Psychiatric Intake Response Center can sometimes offer a Bridge appointment in 24-48 hours (in person or by telehealth) to provide helpful interventions until the family can be seen by an ongoing mental health provider.
Caitlin Geiser, Licensed Clinical Counselor III, contributed to this blog post.
